I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
