guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
