and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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