Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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