I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
