I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
