I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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