Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
