That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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