In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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