I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
