Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
