I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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