Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
