So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
