Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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