She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
