so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
