i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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