? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
