Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
