I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
