why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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