Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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