Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
