my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
