I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sext me about skeletons
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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