All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
