roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
