cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
