but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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