What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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