How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
