She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
