Plan B is the new Plan A
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
