I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
