someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
