The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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