he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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