nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
