Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
