i just wanna soil my oats bro
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
