Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
