New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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