yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
