OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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