You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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