I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
