The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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