I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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