why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
