I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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