so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
