Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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